An Interview With The Hellrider: Part 3: What are the Hellriders & the End of the Hellriders.

Sorry for the long delay, I’ve been caught up in real life again: Moving across the province, packing to move again to go back to university and the (fortunately friendly) end of a romantic relationship. Anyway, enough excuses, here is part 3 of An Interview With the Hellrider.


“So, you want to know exactly what the Hellriders are? I’ll put it simply: We are badass motherfuckers that ride around and fill bullies and monsters full of lead. Why? Why not? We live a way better life then we ever did scavenging. How do we do that? Lootin’ and gratitude! So we’ve got this piss-pot dictator who is taking all of hicksvilles food and whatnot. We go and shoot him and his goons a bunch of times. We then take his guns and some of his booze and gas. Then we go tell the town and they throw us a big feast. We eat well, and I mean really well. That night the villagers are really grateful. Then we typically distribute some extra guns around the town and help them work out a defense. Might stay a few days and teach ’em to fight and whatnot. Then we load up on what supplies they can spare and take off. Since we just removed a leech on them they typically can spare a fair bit.”

“Danger? What do you think? That Mr. Tin-plated dictator lets us walk up and shoot him? That hellbeasts stay still while we chop them to bits? Of course some of us die, but hell, some of us would die doing anything. Nothing is safe anymore, and this way we know that if we die it means something, you know? I’d rather get chopped in two fightin’ some demon to save a town then gunned down by some punk robber on the road tryin’ ta save my own hide. Hell, for all I know I’m gonna die eatin’ tainted meat or crashin’ my bike. Judgin’ by how many ride with me they feel the same way. We don’t hide how many of us die, we make sure everyone knows before they ride with us. That or we are all just batshit crazy. Considerin’ how many times I’ve ramped my bike off something to slam an axe into somethin’ big’s head I think the second option is jus’ as likely as the first.”

“An axe? In the early days we didn’t always have enough ammo. Sometimes guns just don’t work. I don’t know why, sometimes you have to hit hellspawn with an axe or club or somethin’. The bigger and crazier the more fucked up reality acts around those things. So how would YOU kill a 4 meter tall, flaming giant that bullets don’t stop? You grab a fireaxe, ramp your hog off somethin’ nearby and embed that axe in the bastards skull. Course other times it’s easier, you just grab a shotgun and open up with some heavy metal thunder. Hell, these days we have some real heavy weapons, missile launchers and heavy machine guns and such. I almost miss he old days, it feels too easy now. Not that we are gonna be doin’ this much longer.”

“Why not? Things are getting too stable. People are rebuildin’. Police and military are being setup again. We’ve killed most of the really big demons, and each year fewer and fewer dictators arise. Less easy targets and more people willing to stand up to them. Hell, give it another year or two and we’ll have a government again. Don’t know what I’ll wind up  doin’. Can’t really see myself puttin’ on a tie and goin’ back to statistical analysis. Guess I’ll keep huntin’ whatever demons we can find. Anyway, thanks for the booze, but I gotta head off. That cute little woman in the corner is givin’ me the eye, and as I recall we saved her town from a swarm of hellwasps a couple months back. Think I’ll go say hello. Keep yourself safe.”

Well, I think that ends my Hellriders series. What do you all think of it? Anything else you want to know about the world?

Until next time, Stay Geeky.

–Canageek

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